Risks and Regrets

What I think about taking risks...

Take them. If you feel drawn to do something, do it. I have taken many risks in my life, some that have cost me dearly and some that have hurt me immeasurably. Some that have hurt others. But I've never regretted a risk more than the ones I didn't take.

I'm frustrated tonight looking back at all of the relationships and flings I've had over the years, feeling helpless that I couldn't make them work, yet feeling grateful that they didn't. Many of the men that I've dated or been involved with have proven immature in ways insurmountable: guys on the rebound, guys in a rut, guys with different geographic desires, guys afraid of commitment, guys too committed, guys who should be committed, and even a couple good guys that just weren't right for me. In all, the past several years have been extremely exhausting and educative. Do I regret any of these connections? None.

A friend of mine recently got out of a relationship and is uneasy about being single. I understand- once you know the comfort of someone's intimacy and love, it's hard to be without it. I took a risk in breaking things off with a man I really loved in order to grow- I was still a baby and needed to find out who I was and what I wanted for myself. And now that I know with total clarity who I am and what I want, it will be impossible for anyone willy nilly to play that role. I spent four years purposely not dating after that relationship, healing and concentrating on myself because I needed to be alright with only my own love, with only myself. Those years were crucial to my growth as a person, as a woman, and as a lover. I now know what I value in a partner, which has made me a better partner in turn. Did I regret the risk of being lonely? Not at all.

I took a risk in leaving my religious affiliation. I spent so many years being involved in a nondenominational church, and poured so much of my time and heart into an institution that doesn't value the ugly or raw parts of a person, that I had to separate from it in order to fully think on my own. To develop my own set of values and morals. To love people as they are, to celebrate people as they are, "ugliness" and all. I couldn't be the person I am without having left the church. Do I regret it? Never.

I took a risk in going back to school after years of stagnation in the working world. I was older than the majority of my peers, and often felt out of place. Some classes felt like a waste of time and money, some were extremely difficult, and all too often, I desperately and nearly threw in the towel. But I finally graduated and now have a very expensive piece of paper that screams "I finish what I start!". Do I regret going back to school? NO.

I took a risk in letting go of toxic but familiar friendships. So often, we find ourselves hanging around with the same people because we've grown to love them, even if they've shown that their presence means only death to the people we are and the dreams we carry. I learned that I have to surround myself with people who are positive and actively build themselves and others up. Do I regret cutting toxic bonds in order to become a better person? In no way.

I took a risk in moving to Orlando 5 years ago with no money and got a roommate I barely knew. I risked not being able to make ends meet. I risked so much, and have received so much. Do I regret moving to Orlando? I can't regret the place and people that became home.

When I was young and my family life was horrible, I promised myself that I'd move to Orlando, I'd have my own apartment in the heart of the city, and I'd be an actor. At 26, looking back at all these years of taking risks and being bold, I DON'T REGRET A DAMN THING. I am constantly becoming the person I desire to be, and I can proudly say that I am self-made. All of my successes and all of my obstacles can be attributed to my sense of daring and my ability to set and pursue lofty goals. I have achieved everything I've ever set out to do up to this point, which only leads me to conclude that all risk will bring a reward of its own. Sometimes the reward is simply in taking the risk. Whether the result is painful, pleasurable, or somewhere in between, all risk results in growth of character and opportunity. To that, my answer is always: YES.

Listen: Medicine by Daughter