PERSISTENCE

Fall is a time for reflection and analysis on the many months passed: have I attained the goals I set for the year? Have I become a better person?

I sit here tonight overwhelmed by school and work and the deep-set desperate desire to be doing something I love. I'm starting to feel stir-crazy at my job. Even for the "time being", I feel like I deserve and should be doing something I enjoy. There's no guarantee for any future, so all I can do is push forward, work hard, and hope like mad.

I've learned with concrete understanding this year what my job as an actor actually is. We performers dream of being on a stage in front of packed house getting all the laughs or conjuring all the tears. We want to be effective and fulfilled, and we want it right now. But the art of being a performer is not so much the act of performing as it is the art persistence. So many of us, no matter how talented we are, will hear "no" more often than we'll hear yes. We will go through more self-analysis than perhaps anyone else in any other profession. Each "no" feels like a venomous slash at our dreams, a personal attack against us as artists, and we retreat to a place of self-doubt and sadness, even if momentary. But the true art of being a performer is persistence. It's learning that a "no" is an invitation to try again, to hold on, to be patient. Persistence is learning to say, in the most dignified way, "I'll be back, and I'll be better than ever".

School also relies on the fine art of persistence. So often I look at my present and think of how much more magical all would be if not for this nuisance in my day. I want to just be doing what I love, not learning about doing what I love. But then I remember that part of my education is honing the invaluable quality of persistence. If my theatre degree holds any worth, it is this lesson alone that will go with me for life. PERSISTENCE. So many performers I admire, TALENTED people!, have been rejected, turned down, and otherwise brushed over for great opportunities, but they still show up on the radar because THEY PRACTICE THE ART OF PERSISTENCE. I want to hone that kind of staying power, stick-to-it-ness, as it were, and through that practice, finally be able to do great work on a larger scale. Check out this blog entry about actors who got passed over for roles on The Office:
http://twentytwowords.com/2013/08/06/famous-actors-who-didnt-get-the-parts-audition-for-the-office-in-2003/

That's all I've got in me for now. It's time to go to sleep and wake up ready to practice and persist in all areas until the time is right. Until then, I will stay positive and stay motivated.

"Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not: unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not: the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent."
- Calvin Coolidge

"One's best success comes after their greatest disappointments."
-Henry Ward Beecher

A Florida Summer

Saturday, I lived like a Floridian in Summer.
I went to the art museum with friends, wearing bike shorts and a cut tank.

We got caught in the rain with my rainbow umbrella.
I dried my saturated shoes with a blow dryer.

We took photos in a kaleidoscope and ate Vietnamese food. I ordered everything I wanted and took home leftovers.

Sunday, I worked like a Floridian in Summer.
I met up with a friend at the farmer's market and brought flowers to a vendor who lost a loved one.

We hugged (me, the vendor, and the friend).
We laughed.

I went to work on my day off, wearing bike shorts and a Dave Matthews Band T-shirt.
I ate my leftovers.

I brought home abandoned balloons. I let one loose.
It carried with it to the skies my hopes, my dreams, and my great love for the Summer that was.

It's time to let time move on.

Mood music: Vancouver Sleep Clinic - Vapour

A meal

Today was a good day to be alive.
It was love and nutrient rich.
Today, I was hungry.

I sniffed the scent out of all the roses
And walked with gravel beneath my feet.
Leaves between my fingers tickled even my soul.

I sweated out the impurities within my body
And my mind.
I breathed in fresh air and exhaled the old.

I felt the warmth of the constant sun on my skin
Its rays fed me vitamin D from a golden spoon.
I grew stronger with each glistening gulp.

Today was a good day to be alive.
It was love and nutrient rich.
Today, I ate well.