Raising the Stakes

I've got to raise the stakes. I just took my music theory lecture midterm, and I don't feel great about it. Not only did I not complete the test in time, but I am also unsure of the questions I did complete. I really don't know what to expect. I know that by this time next week, I'll know whether or not I need to drop the class. I turned in a homework assignment this week that earned me my first A in the class, but I don't know that this assignment alone will be enough to get me through the class with a 72 or higher. So, if I get the results back next week and discover that I have a chance to pass the class yet, I will not drop the class and will make myself a wager: if I pass the class this semester, I will take myself on a trip out of the country this year, 2013. The stakes: if I do not pass the class this semester, I do not pass the class; that would be what I lose. I feel it is more important to set a positive goal (something to push me to succeed because I want it to happen) as opposed to setting a negative goal (something that will push me to succeed because I don't want it to happen). I will work harder for something I want in the long run and will be more pleased if I do, in fact, succeed. So, it's all hanging on a thread. It's on the edge of a knife. Next week decides the course of the rest of the semester.... here we go....

Mama needs a new pair of (well-traveled) shoes!

Serendipity

It's strange how life gives us signs as to which direction to take or as to which choice to make out of the plethora available to us. What happens next? Do we ignore the signs and stubbornly go our own way? I believe life gives us signs to lead us to the choices and people that will make us happiest and allow us to live to the fullest, so to ignore those signs, in essence, could mean that we are not choosing our own way, but that of someone else. To ignore the signs and signals could lead to joy's massacre. I believe in creating the life that I want and being the best version of myself possible, so I will start by acknowledging the signs and keeping myself open to something new. "I hear you. I'm listening."

I was here.

Two Drops

One of my favorite poems for years is with me tonight....
TWO DROPS
By Zbigniew Herbert
The forests were on fire
they however
wreathed their necks with their hands
like bouquets of roses
People ran to the shelters
he said his wife had hair
in whose depths one could hide
Covered by one blanket they whispered shameless words
the litany of those who love
When it got very bad
they leapt into each other's eyes
and shut them firmly
So firmly they did not feel the flames
when they came up to the eyelashes
To the end they were brave
To the end they were faithful
To the end they were similar
like two drops
stuck at the edge of a face
(translated by Czeslaw Milosz and Peter Dale Scott)

My heart said follow through

Watch "Annie Lennox - Waiting in Vain" on YouTube

I get it

So my longtime acquaintance and newfound friend Curtis is a music major at a prestigious local college and we hung out last night after his jazz set at the coffeeshop. We talked music for about 15 minutes, and in that time, he was able to make me understand intervals, inversions, key signatures, and the keyboard more clearly than my professor has in the past month. He wants to teach eventually and I hope he does. The world needs more people who can intelligently convey concepts. People who are so smart, but poorly articulate isolate themselves and alienate others. I am super grateful for his taking time to break it down for me, and for the chance to see how vital articulation really is. As an actor, this has always been evident to me, but as I move deeper into all aspects of my career, I know that without good communication skills, there can be little progress. What a nice reminder to constantly improve. :) I've also been thinking about communication in terms of directing. When presenting spectacle, what is crucial to the world of the play and what is distracting? Am I remaining true to the intention of the playwright, or is my vision "creative masterbation"? A lot of what people put out into the world is unnecessary, over the top, exaggerated, spectacle for spectacle's sake. How can we simplify? How can we communicate what's needed without adding what's not? I think about that in terms of our social relationships. How can I say exactly what I need to while saying as little as possible? On NPR today, there was a segment about the six word memoir, i.e. eat much, pray little, love arrives. How do you say what needs to be said with as few embellishments as possible?

What is your six word memoir?

Music to my ears

So, I took my sight singing exam today while still sick with an upper respiratory infection. I didn't do as badly as I'd expected, and my professor seemed to feel I did an alright job, so that's encouraging. If I'm honest with myself, I am glad to be going through this class. It's challenging me to think musically again, and I'm really having to stretch my limits. Having to repeat this class would suck for the practical life reasons: having to stay in the state longer than I'd like, having to maneuver my work schedule drastically and inconveniently. There may even be the issue of hurting my pride, as I've never failed a class in which I've made an effort. But in the long run, if I did have to take the class again, I guess it wouldn't be so bad. It would make me a better musician and vocalist, as my sight reading and sight singing skills are already vastly improved since the class began one month ago. I'm going to do my best, and hopefully that's enough, and if it's not, that's alright, too. It will be.

Today is spanish day! I have been drinking malta, dancing salsa, and listening to the spanish radio stations all morning and afternoon. And when I come home, I'll have delicious homemade veggie chili in the crock pot waiting for me. :) it's nice to feel like eating again. Lol

We have to be silver lining people. No matter what the container contains, line it in silver and let it shimmer.

fix you(rself)

This is a first for me. I caught a reaaally bad cold on Friday that got so bad yesterday that I was almost taken out of the game, so to speak. I'm coughing and sneezing nonstop, but I had to work today and yesterday, so I've been walking around disinfecting everything I touch. Lol And all of the vitamin C I've been taking has jacked up my stomach, so needless to say.... I feel all-around awful. And for the first time, I miss having someone to take care of me. I miss the days of being a kid and having mom or dad make me grilled cheese and soup just the way I like it. I miss having someone come visit me every couple of hours to check on me, feel my head, make sure I'm comfy and cozy. And heck, maybe even rewind the VHS tape so I can watch it again. I miss being cared for. And as I am fiercely independent, this feels strange... wanting someone to take care of me. But I did what I must: heat up some homemade soup, pop homeopathic meds and cough drops, rest when possible, and try to stay positive. The reality is that I am not a child anymore, nor someone's lover. I am a single woman living alone with a cold, and I'm going to have to take care of myself. So, in the end, I guess that's empowering.

Now to get better by tomorrow for my sight singing exam...

unreasonable people

"Reasonable people adapt themselves to the world.

Unreasonable people attempt to adapt the world to themselves.

All progress, therefore, depends on unreasonable people."

-George Bernard Shaw

brand new

I need to pass my music theory class. Not passing would mean being stuck in Florida through December. I cannot be here anymore. I'm so anxious to get out and be anywhere else in the world. Any traveling I've done has reaffirmed that there's a bigger world out there, one I have to see. I need to see the world before I'm old and jaded. I want to pick up accents, I want to eat new food, I want to walk new paths. It's a pleasure to know my city and my state as well as I do, but the time is coming to be a stranger somewhere. I'll be 26 and brand new. March is coming. And so is change.