I've got an elastic heart.

So after nine months of falling in love with what I thought was an awesome man, my heart was broken, and is only now on the mend. He just stopped talking to me. Literally. Just stopped calling, texting, and eventually stopped responding to calls and texts. How did this happen? I never bombarded him with contact, was never too clingy, never did anything I can imagine to push him away. But after being home for Christmas, apparently something changed. He sent me a text at midnight on New Year's Eve, and that was when he stopped contacting me. This was strange because Ross was always the one to reach out to me, usually once a day at least, and I thought we had a good thing going. It wasn't until the end of the third day that I reached out to him to see what was going on. He had begun moving out of his apartment and claimed he was just stressed and that he tends to shut down when he gets overwhelmed. But this behavior would continue for days, a week, almost two weeks. At that point, he had literally dodged me in every way possible, letting me know without even the decency of a conversation that he apparently didn't care for me anymore.

I was utterly shattered by this. This is a man I thought we never, ever hurt me. He was always incredibly tender with me, loving, and engaging. And here he turned so cold. Now, I'm just angry. He's moving on and still hasn't responded to any of the messages I had sent, not returned a single contact, letting me know he doesn't give a shit about me. I deserve better and will not tolerate nor settle for less; but it just baffles and hurts me when I think about it.

So what have I done to keep from thinking about it too much? GETTING SHIT DONE. I designed and ordered my business cards, I have edited and sent resumes, I have tried new beers, I went to a concert to see my favorite cellist, I have worked out, I went on an interview and effectively got a job. I've slept more than usual, but I don't cry anymore. I wasted all those tears the first two weeks of my new year. That's essentially 5% of my year that I spent in tears over some CHILD OF A MAN. That 5% will stay at 5%. No more. I am taking heartbreak and turning into MY TRIUMPH. I'm too smart, too talented, too important to waste my time chasing some idiot who dropped me like a hot potato. DONE. Moving on.

I'd really like to take my fitness to a new level this year. I have finally made the full transition into committed veganism, and it is the GREATEST! I feel so good, my body is becoming lean and strong, and I feel very ethically aligned. I'd am focusing on really building my body and creating a healthy environment.

I am also looking forward to work in the Bahamas at the end of this month. The hotel has THREE enormous pools, a beautiful gym, a yoga pavilion, and a rock climbing wall. Let's just say this: I'm gonna work my ass off, but I'm also excited to be going somewhere where I have to pack three bathing suits. It will be productive and make me money, but I also get to enjoy beautiful surroundings, new food, warm weather, and time with my friends. I always look forward to tournaments because they give me a moment's pause to step back and reevaluate everything. And it could not come at a better time.

All in all, this is just a post to kind of put my thoughts out there and get them out of my head. I am so grateful for the friends and loved ones who've been shoulders for me to cry on (literally and metaphorically) in the past few weeks, and I am so fortunate to have such good people in my life. I look forward to the rest of the new year, as it can only be up from here.

XOXO