How to get free

A friend sent me a snapchat this evening asking "How do I forgive when he never apologized?". It hurt to read the sentiments of my own heart from someone else's experience. How do so many of us end up hurt and scarred from unhealthy relationships? We acknowledge their destructive nature in our lives, but instead of feeling free from their clutches, we feel angry that we were hurt, bitter that we didn't win, depressed that someone else got the best of us. I don't want to not forgive because someone else isn't sorry. I don't want to not move forward because the memory of and resentment toward someone else is holding me back. Forgiveness isn't something we give to others because they deserve it; it is something we give because we deserve it. I am constantly learning and growing and realizing that I can more easily move forward the less baggage I carry. It's time to unload the burdens of other people's bad choices and mistreatments so that we can finally be free.

This bird is a farmer!

This summer marks the year I become who I will become. I can FEEL it in my bones. This is the year my life begins. I am on my own, READY, and coming of age. Last night, a friend asked me if I wanted to meditate to discover my spirit animal. I've always figured I was a bird, but I accepted his invitation. (As a comedian, I've learned- you take any opportunity because any experience can lend itself to new material). The exercise asked me to envision myself in a field, to represent my connection to the earth. Suddenly, an animal comes toward me and gives me a gift. Now, these are all things that come to me from my subconscious, so in its own way, this vision is entirely dependent upon my imagination and my willingness to employ it. The animal that approached me was a blue bird. Now, it didn't fly to me, it walked on long bird legs. And then, the gift it gave me... was a turd. Not bird poop, no. A turd. From another animal. I laughed during the exercise as my friend spoke because the exercise said "hold the gift to your chest, take several deep breaths, breathe it in". Most people get something spiritual or enlightened, like a stone, or a butterfly. But me? No. I want turds. I and the other spirit animal crowd laughed about this, and I went home for the night. My friend texted me at 2:00 AM to relay that "I thought I should point out... turds are fertilizer. They help things GROW". Solid point. So here I am, a grounded bird ready to fly, ready to grow. Ready to BECOME!

 

Do I look like I have any time to be sad? NOPE! Living and loving!

So where I am going? Ireland. I'm changing my life with each moment. Becoming happier, wiser, more excited about my beautiful life. I am happy to be free. And damn it if all the turds I've been given in my life aren't helping me to grow! Thank you for EVERYTHING!

How are YOU growing? How is your life changing? Are you fighting the current or are you letting life take you where you must go?

so sweet it gives me cavities

I want a bumper sticker that says "I can't, I have rehearsal". Lol I feel like that's my life. :) We're getting ready to open the show in a few weeks, and the gala is a week from Friday! The semester is almost out, which puts me SO CLOSE to freedom! In the meantime, I will continue to do grossly sweet things with the boyfriend like carving pumpkins we picked out together. Lol

Wine while we use knives? Sure!

RJ's ass pumpkin. Lol

Lover's dia de los muertos jack-o-lantern on right, my Dalí jack-o-lantern on left.