Evolution: Just a Theory?

People who argue against evolution baffle me. Look around you! Everything is evolving: scientifically, spiritually, physically, and in all other ways conceivable. It's the natural progression of things. Take for instance the evolution of my cameras...

• The far left is a 35mm film camera, with an unfinished roll still housed inside.
• The middle is a Kodak digital, the lens permanently stuck open. When I got this camera, the standard was 5MP.
• The camera on the far right is my newest and best: a 16.1MP Samsung digital.

 Oh, how things have changed.

I spent some time this morning with my camera in my front yard, taking macro shots of the beauty of nature. I'll post some shots later so you can see JUST HOW COOL my new baby is! Her name is Bianca.

What's evolving in your world?

A change would do you good.

I'm sitting here at an Aveda Salon school about to get my hair dyed by a friend of mine, who is a student at the school, and I cannot wait. No matter how it looks, it's a change. It's different. It's new. I'm excited!

it's all going to change.

Right now, I am sitting in a coffee shop drinking cinnamon tea, listening to Little People in my headphones in an attempt to block out the open mic hip hop madness surrounding me. The hollows of my body vibrate with the bass lines, my ears catch the words "fuck" and "fuckin'" every few seconds. My friend Logan sits across from me reading on his tablet. Engrossed in our own tasks, we do not talk, but instead nod with the beat and carry on. There's energy here. The smell of coffee beans roasting is overwhelming. The table top hosts congealing rings of coffee from guests gone before me. I am wearing an over-sized sweater and cut-off jeans. My friend GA hugs me. The moment is electric, pulsing with the sadness and ecstasy of finality. Any moment now, I'll miss this. I'll realize that my purpose here at this place in time is coming to a close. It's going to pass, and I'll be somewhere else with new people. I'll have new adventures, and I'll have to grow.

baby steps in leaps and bounds

So exciting... omgomgomg... I'm receiving letters from CAHSA to apply for graduation for the Spring semester. I want so badly to graduate by the Spring so that I can leave as soon as the semester is out if I wish. Ideally, it would be "hurry, give me my diploma, I have to catch the next flight". How amazing will it be to have the option to leave at a moment's notice... to sell my car, rent a truck, haul my junk, and start my new life... but I am leaping over my own thoughts in bounds. What matters now are the next several steps:

step 1) do my hw, pass
step 2) don't fuck up
step 3) plan nothing, but be prepared for anything
step 4) appreciate the time I have with the people I have here and love while I am here with them; take nothing for granted,
and...

step 5) do not be afraid. Go bravely into the world and make my dreams my reality.

October is a time to shed the old.

Tonight I am happy. I type this entry from my desk under the window, rain pouring outside, vibrant pink flowers spilling out from a canister on the counter, leaning as if to read over my shoulder. I think often about my next great body of work. Will I finally sit down and write a play? Is my next great poem on the horizon? The words on my tongue like scalded tastebuds. September has brought about so much in so many areas of my life that I don't have the heart to try to steer myself in any one direction; I feel truly that the right moment will make itself known to me, the right words will emerge onto the page when they're ready. For now, in the meantime, I write everything else. I write about the moment of writing, the painfully relieving process of letting words spill out of your pen like blood from a wound onto a linen page to stop the blood, but the words keep bleeding. It's terminal. The wound won't heal until you get out the bad blood. And finally, words come along to suture the wound, to stop the hurt. You are free again to write about more than just anything. To write passionately. To write good comedy. To write about the time you couldn't stop bleeding. It's all within reach at the end of your arms. No matter what you write, write with feeling.

It is October now. A new month bearing a new purpose and new feelings. I'm so grateful.

I watched a bird die this month.

I was walking around the park & noticed two birds in a squabble ahead of me just off the path. I continued to walk toward them & watched with concern as one bird violently pecked & stabbed the other with its beak & claws. The losing bird was growing weaker. I continued to get closer. Suddenly, the dominant bird clasped the loser in his talons & began to fly away over the path. I was astounded, but continued to walk toward them. The dominant bird got startled as he saw me approach, & thus, he loosened his grip on his captive. I cringed as the weak, defeated bird was dropped onto the sidewalk, making a loud "crack" as his skull smashed against the pavement. He rolled into the mulch & breathed several heavy, strained breaths. I watched in teary distress as he took his final breaths & left the world. I stood there for several minutes thereafter trying to make sense of what I'd just seen.

I felt a strong sense of sadness & despair as I realized that humanity is often as bird-eat-bird as the birds themselves; survival of the fittest.

I walked another lap praying & asking God to comfort me.

As I neared the end of the lap, I came to a swan on her nest. She'd been there all day & I'd seen her several laps before. This time, she was standing up & nosing around in her nest... she was helping one of her hatchlings to break out into the world. New life was emerging. And I felt pure joy.


It would seem that something must die for something new to be born. Don't be afraid to let the old pass away in order for the new to come about. Don't be afraid when that time comes because chances are that God is waiting to bear beautiful, new life in you.