This is real life!

Here I go, off on an adventure. In less than a week, I will be in another country, dreams becoming reality. Life changing, becoming something bright and new. Literal horizons I've never seen, streets I've never walked, people I've never met will become mine, immortalized for all time in my heart and in my memories. It's the most exciting moment of my life thus far, a moment punctuated by the exclamation that I AM LIVING! Not merely alive, but brimming with vibrancy, bravery, and the complete trust that I am always at the right place in time, even when faced with the unknown. I trust every opportunity to challenge me, teach me, and make me a happier human being. What's even more striking is to realize that there are people in Ireland right now, whom I am going to meet, and they have no idea that I'm coming, no idea that I'm coming into existence. So beautiful and unique to realize that our meetings, momentary or lasting, will change the course of all time. Life is big when viewed through an open lens. LET'S LIVE!

Sleepless and Insatiable

I absolutely cannot sleep. I have been kept up all night by everything I could possibly imagine. Things that have me anxious and excited and exhilarated. Everything in my world is getting swirled together in my brain, making multicolored marble patterns that are as lasting and real as a solid slab. I'm thinking of how I'll use my vacation time, where I'll go, who I'll have with me, where I'll be working, what I'll be studying, how close I'll be to graduation after the summer, what I'll do after school, how my troupe will do with our show this May, where we'll go on tour in the fall. Everything is changing. My boss getting a new job, new people and things coming into my life all at once, new landlords, a potential new relationship, a new haircut and color: these are the things of which Spring is made... newness, beauty, color, uncertainty. I gobble it all up hungrily and nervously knowing not what it will taste like on the way down, but knowing that I'M STARVING.

A change would do you good.

I'm sitting here at an Aveda Salon school about to get my hair dyed by a friend of mine, who is a student at the school, and I cannot wait. No matter how it looks, it's a change. It's different. It's new. I'm excited!

Giving

So, a kid, probably 10-12 years old, just approached me in a Starbucks after shaking down the guy behind me and asked me for five cents. I wanted to say "why should I give you my hard-earned money?" and wait for a legitimate explanation. I wanted to hear "I'm homeless" or "I don't know" or "because I want to do a 'hey mister' outside of the ABC Liquor and all I need to afford a bottle of cheap vodka is your five cents". Anything. I wanted to ask, but I didn't. I knew I had some change, and I doubled his request with a dime. He said "it's small", and I replied "it IS small", and he walked away with his skateboard in his hand. I didn't even hear him leave. I have been sitting here in my tights and financially stable seat knowing that some kid has money I earned and I had the ability to give without question. It was nice. Happy Friday, dreamers and givers!

Serendipity

It's strange how life gives us signs as to which direction to take or as to which choice to make out of the plethora available to us. What happens next? Do we ignore the signs and stubbornly go our own way? I believe life gives us signs to lead us to the choices and people that will make us happiest and allow us to live to the fullest, so to ignore those signs, in essence, could mean that we are not choosing our own way, but that of someone else. To ignore the signs and signals could lead to joy's massacre. I believe in creating the life that I want and being the best version of myself possible, so I will start by acknowledging the signs and keeping myself open to something new. "I hear you. I'm listening."

Acceptions and Expectations

This month has been challenging. I've got a lot on my plate, and getting it all done (and done well) has stretched my limits, in a good way. I'm euphoric with the knowledge that it's almost over. All of it is almost done. It's like when I ran the half marathon last year- the hardest part of the whole race was the last mile... seeing the finish line hurts so much more than imagining what it will look like. I can see the finish line, and the exhaustion has set in. But I am going to finish. And like at the end of any race, you cross that finish line, look back and say "how in the fuck did I do that?" It's going to be glorious.

I celebrated Pride this weekend with my friends! My sister came to town with some of her friends for the festivities, and it was wonderful. I loved seeing so much diversity and love in one city at one time. I cannot abide ignorance and unloving personalities, of which there was virtually none at the festival. It was brilliant. Just colors and smiles and peace. We need more of this every day.

Romantically, the past several weeks have been very fruitful for me. I have been seeing a really great guy, and I'm pleased by where things are heading. It's nice to be seeing someone who cares about me and sees me for who I am. And he is serious about me doing well in school, which is perhaps due to the fact that he's a smarty pants doctor. Lol Anyway, I look forward to the future, for whatever it holds.

I cannot say where I am right now. It's a good place, I think. A place of growth, a place requiring patience and positivity. Spiritual endurance. It's going to be a challenge, and it's going to change me.

I accept.