Sleepless and Insatiable

I absolutely cannot sleep. I have been kept up all night by everything I could possibly imagine. Things that have me anxious and excited and exhilarated. Everything in my world is getting swirled together in my brain, making multicolored marble patterns that are as lasting and real as a solid slab. I'm thinking of how I'll use my vacation time, where I'll go, who I'll have with me, where I'll be working, what I'll be studying, how close I'll be to graduation after the summer, what I'll do after school, how my troupe will do with our show this May, where we'll go on tour in the fall. Everything is changing. My boss getting a new job, new people and things coming into my life all at once, new landlords, a potential new relationship, a new haircut and color: these are the things of which Spring is made... newness, beauty, color, uncertainty. I gobble it all up hungrily and nervously knowing not what it will taste like on the way down, but knowing that I'M STARVING.

baby steps in leaps and bounds

So exciting... omgomgomg... I'm receiving letters from CAHSA to apply for graduation for the Spring semester. I want so badly to graduate by the Spring so that I can leave as soon as the semester is out if I wish. Ideally, it would be "hurry, give me my diploma, I have to catch the next flight". How amazing will it be to have the option to leave at a moment's notice... to sell my car, rent a truck, haul my junk, and start my new life... but I am leaping over my own thoughts in bounds. What matters now are the next several steps:

step 1) do my hw, pass
step 2) don't fuck up
step 3) plan nothing, but be prepared for anything
step 4) appreciate the time I have with the people I have here and love while I am here with them; take nothing for granted,
and...

step 5) do not be afraid. Go bravely into the world and make my dreams my reality.