Pay It Forward

Friday at work, one of my coworkers asked me if I liked apples. I said "yeah, I brought one for lunch today". I wasn't sure where she was going with her question. She then handed me five apples. I was alarmed. I said ".... are you going on vacation or something?" I was hesitant. Then she gave me a bag full of lemons. (This can't be right... oh no. I don't deserve this...) "Are you sure?" She was surprised by my hesitance. I thanked her profusely & timidly accepted her blessings. She asked me later "why you were (she's hispanic) so surprised?" Growing up, I was never given anything, & if I was, it was to make me feel guilty later if my behavior was displeasing. By the time I was 17, I was financially on my own because my stepmother was abusive & neglectful. So, as friends & adults have come into my life & blessed me with things, things I needed even, & love, I've found it hard to accept. I revert to a place of insecurity & fear. But I'm discovering that in the real world, as messed up as it is, people still want to be good to each other. People just want to be loved. Period. So, she listened to my life story, & she was horrified by what I've lived to tell. She told me "You have to realize that you are a beautiful & unique person, & you deserve this." I hope I don't soon forget those words. It's comforting to know that there is goodness in people, right down to their apple cores! My coworker's husband works at a grocery store & instead of keeping the excess for themselves, she brought it to work to bless others; to me she gave five apples, a ton of lemons, dried mango slices, pecans, & pasta (what a feast!). I really want to pay it forward. I'm going to take those apples she gave me & make her & her family a tray of apple cake. But I want to do more, for the world. Somehow. Someway. As a way to say thanks for loving me.