Fantastic! I feel fantastic. I've begun the long hard process of finally letting go. I've got a mean paper-shredder & a lot to shred. I've already filled two Whole Foods paper bags with papers of the past, plus I've got at least another two loads worth coming. I've put all of my clothes on hangers (almost), & I've bagged yet another load to take to a thrift store where my friend works; the store puts all the profits into building a home for women who're coming back into society after being jailed for prostitution... I've never thought about that type of circumstance, but I'm glad my useless clothes & things can go to help someone come alive again. Coming alive... that's what I'm doing. For so long, I've been trapped under the weight of a past I couldn't let go of because I thought I needed it. I thought I needed to hold on to old greeting cards because they were sentimental; the reality is that they've sat in bins in my closet for years, & I rarely crack the lid open to read through them. What to do? Save the ones nearest to your heart, & discard the rest. I thought I needed to hold on to old school papers so I could look back on the information for when I need it; the reality is that I've forgetten I even had the papers, & the information I've saved will never be needed again. You've learned & retained what's relevant; get rid of the rest & move on. I thought I needed to hold on to those clothes because if I could just get back in shape, I could wear them again; the reality is that my body is that of a woman now & for the most part, I am in shape. My "shape" changed & I'm not going to fit into those clothes anymore. Get rid of them. Give them to those without, or donate them for a worthy cause. I thought I needed the neat things I've found on the street because I can make them into projects or use the parts for something or other; the reality is that I've collected so many projects for so long that I have not the space nor the time to work with them, & the massiveness of this reminder grows & literally piles up & spills out of my room. Put it back on the curb where you found it. It WILL make a great project, & while you could do wonders with the wood of a white shutter door, this project is not for you. Not right now. Not this time. Let it go. Others will come around. It's an amazing lesson, & at first it was very painful to part with things because of my psychological & emotional attachments, but the more I get rid of, the more I want to pitch, the more I want to give, the more I want to share & just bid farewell. Letting go is theraputic & spiritually gratifying in ways I've never known. I'm cleaning everything out. This all began as a project to make room for God & to just get hold of some peace, & that's just what I feel coming in to my new-found space. I'm not as concerned about cleaning the junk at night as I am about praying & reading the bible & even just relaxing. It's still very early in the process, so I'm not reading everyday, but I'm at least finding more peace & openness for the spirit to move. I guess the only way I can sum this up is that the more I give up in material, the more I gain in my soul.
Let go. It will be alright.
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